If you want her just go for it , dont let me hold you back ......

You can trust me if you want to , i will listen ....

Please talk to me , you're making me feel so lonely ...

I'm so sorry for being a bitch , i will change , i promice .....

I Love You

Life is good , very good . Fingers crossed i wont fuck it up . =] . Cant wait for the summer !! T'is gonna be AWESOME !! Well hopefully ...... Need a job and money BADLY . Any suggestions ?? ......

Thats about it really , really bored and gotta straighten my hair cause i washed it , i've gotta afro that any black dude would be proud of =] ... My hair always seems more ginger when it's curly , when it's straight it's a lovely mass of auburn that seems to change colour in the light , but it never stays straight for long *sigh* .... Missing Mat so so much right now =[

SparklesandAshes

xx

Je t'aime ..... mais chére , je me déteste......

My mams making my life hell at the moment. All she wants is for me to do more and more and more ... She treats me like I'm thirteen and I'm sick to death of it . She expects me to be some sort of super woman , juggling her demands with school-work ( which she insists on being perfect) and trying to see Mat and my friends (who i haven't properly hung out with in aaaaaaaaages ) . Today was kinda typical . Was woken up by her screaming at me for not being already up and not having my room surgically cleansed. Got shouted at some more then for not taking enough cereal and then for taking too much. She spent so much time shouting i ended up in school with my hair all frizzy and the vestiges of yesterdays make-up the only thing covering my blotchy face , looking and feeling like shit. School wasn't so bad , most of the year had DATS tests so everyone just dossed for the day . Got home from school and got all homework done in half an hour and spent an hour studying for calculus. Then my mam came home from my granny's and everything turned kinda shit. She starts mouthing off to me about how i'm not doing enough study and how i should be doing twice the amount I'm doing now ..... like what the fuck ?!?! I tell her that it's none of her business and that she can't take it out on me for fucking up her own education ( she dropped out of college 3 times XD ) . Then she starts screaming at me telling she has every right to an input into my education because , get this , she's PAYING FOR IT!! This coming from the woman whose never had a days proper employment in her life !! What am i then , an investment ? I'm sick of her treating me like this . I know i sound really immature and juvenile , and i probably am . But , i genuinely hate that woman . She make a mess of raising me , i turned into a fucking ugly , socially inept weirdo , and most of the things that have fucked my life up can be traced back to her. It sickens me that I am 50% her and i sometimes break down when i see her in myself . In how I see things and how i react to things . I never want to turn out like that . She disgusts me. but anyway , this has turned into just a looooong moan that seems pretty petty and attention seeking , but what can ya do XD !!

Decided i don't care any more , gonna do my best to fuck up and have fun =]

Also , in contradiction , decided (roughly ) on my CAO =P :

1) Media Arts - DIT

2) NCAD

3) Photography - DIT

4) Irish and Media - Maynooth

All a second plan if I cant go to Edinburgh to do Film and Photography in Napier , even though my mam has her heart set on my doing Law in Trinity ( she also wants my four year old brother to become a doctor XD ) .

I has my Diana F+ camera now , i loves it =] . I boughts it in Paris but still haven't got around to buying film for it =[ . I cant afford it at the moment ......Piccy below of it !!

Paris with the school was epic !! Except for the food poisoning from that place in Montmartre ....... but yeah , i dont thing i'd like to live there though , the people are all really stuck up and everythings sooooooooo expensive . Average €5 for a bottle of coke !! I loves Dublin anyways , i'm too much of a homebody =] .

Anywho , i better go nows and study for Calculus ....... So so screwed for that test !! Ily all , comment ??= o

SparklesandAshes

xx

Trust in me, trust in me.

Don't pull away

Trust in me, trust in me.

I'm just trying to keep this together,

Because I could do worse and you could do better

xx

I will wear my heart upon my sleeve For daws to peck at. I am not what I am..........

Triptych of my little bro =] x

Free hug and cookie for anyone who can guess where the titles from =] !!

Shit weekend , Friday i went yc , was really boring and then didn't even get to see Mat that much . Saturday I stayed in to study and then went to see Maynooths musical ( which was wayyyyyyyyy awesomer then Coláistes ) . Then today my mam made me stay in an study and I didn't even get to see Mat , miss him so so much.

Cant wait until midterm =] !! Seeing friends and sessions and Paris and fun times and filming and pictures and movie nights and pizza and ice-cream and no school and late nights and sleepovers and the freedom to just not do ANYTHING! I've just been so tired and run-down lately , I'm dreading what it'll be like in 6th year !!! But oh well , it's gotta be done i s'pose =[ .

Have you ever been so so scared of something happening , that simply by being scared it starts to happen ????

Youth Café talent show auditions this saturday !!! Get your form by e-mailing celbridgeyouthcafe@gmail.com . Trust me , it's worth it !!! =]

I've been watching loadsa films lately , like good arts films like Trainspotting , Elephant and Billy Elliot ....... i absolutely love this quote from Trainspotting :

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?

I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who need reasons when you've got heroin?

-Rents

But yeah , tests an study and whatnot are really getting me down ! I feel like just going into a corner and sleeping for a few years ..... I keep getting told that it'll be all worth it in the end , but is it really . I mean we all end up with the life that Rents describes in Train spotting , don't we ??? Comment your opinion and stuff =]

This song reminds me of Mat , love you =] xx

Shout outs to Lucy and Ash , bitching buddies =P . And also to Zeta for getting me an AWESOME PLACEBO CD for Kris kindle =] .

So , thats it for nows , ttylz bitchez XP

SparklesandAshes xx

Singing praise to the streetlights that guide our way ......

I've been so so busy recently !!

Every day i've been studying or off somewhere doing something for someone and some days i'm just too tired to do ANYTHING ! I dont think i've hung out with my friends properly in about a month . Its RIDICULOUS . I miss all my friends and good times and it's coming to the point where i hear "Oh , do you remember that time when ..... oh wait , you werent there , sorry !! " every time i do see them !! Grrrrrrrr , i hate schoolwork and study and exhaustedness !! Whenever i do get the time to go out i just simply dont have the energy and end up just collapsing and going into a stupor for an hour or two .

My hairs being a bitch again !! It wont stay straight for more then 10 minutes and it's started to get thin in places from straightening too much with a dinosaur of a straightener :( . It need to b cut BADLY aswell and i so so want my full fringe back to hide the SPOTS !!! Though i suppose they'll just migrate to join the ones on my chin if i do *sulk*

In case you couldnt tell , i'm in a really bad mood today ! :)

On the bright side though i've got a whole weekend planned out ahead of me !!

Tomorrow it's town and battle of the bands with Efa

Saturday it's school play thingy with Mat (have to miss Tadhghs birthday on Saturday though=[)

And then Sunday it's homework and downtime day =[ , oh well !!

Oh , shout out to Olive for abandoning me and Luke at the school XD .....

School is boring as ever , but tolerable ..... Except for Ms Ní Donacha !!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr i used to LOVE irish before that rat faced hoor from Dantes seventh circle of hell came to the school with her "Cruinnesas gramadaí" and her "Nathanna uaisáideacha" and fuckin BRIATHAR SAOR AIMSIR CHAITE !!!!!! Needless to say we can recite the Briathra nemhrialta off by heart but havent a hope in hell of stringing togetjher a coherent sentence in Irish !!!!! English isint so bad this year . Billy Elliot for comparative !!!! Woooooot !

So , thats about it from me , for now....

SparklesandAshes xx

Happiness hit her , like a train on a track ......

So this weeks been quite interesting .....

Thins i've done this week :

Gone to see a Vampire Film !
Been locked in a classroom by a teacher !
Been rescued by another teacher....
Accused my principal of being Jealous that Luke has hair when he told him to cut it !
(he didn't deny it !!! )
Got an A in a maths test ( first time since second year =P )
Not washed my hair ( the waters gone in my house =[ )
Heard someone saying "the state of her" at me
Edited a whole loada pictures
Actually done my homework
Watched GLEE !!! =]


Okay , now i'm bored so i'm gonna do one of these quiz thingys =]

1) Are you in a relationship with somebody? yup =]

2) Do you hate more than 3 people? hummmmm , actually exactly 3 !

3) How many houses have you lived in? 2

4) Favorite candy bar? Dairy Milk

5) Favorite shoes? ZOMBIE STILETTOS !

6) Have you ever tripped someone? I don't remember.

7) Least favorite school subject? Maths ....

9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD? ......yeah =S......

10) Have you ever thrown up in public? Nope !

11) Name one thing that is always on your mind. Mat XP

12) Favorite genre of music? If i like how it sounds i'll listen to it ...

13) What is your zodiac sign? Taurus

14) What time were you born? eh ...?

15) Do you like beer? Depends ...

16) Ever made a prank phone call? Duh !

17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own? Marilyn Manson =P

18) Are you sarcastic? i dunno , am i ??

19) What are your favorite colors?Purple , electric blue , grey , white

20) How many watches do you own? eh ?

21) Summer or winter? Winter cause it gets dark early and i'm a night person , Summer cause thats when memories are made !

23) Favorite color to wear? Denim Blue !

24) Pepsi or Sprite? No.

25) What color is your cell phone? Black and pink

26) Where is your second home? i only gots the one deerie !

27) Have you ever slapped someone? Sure =]

28) Have you ever had a cavity? i think so ...

29) How many lamps are in your bedroom? 2

30) How many video games do you own? Me? Zero.

31) What was your first pet? woffies , she was older then me and had kittens the day i was born !

32) Ever had braces? (sigh) Yes. Off on the 21st !!

33) Do looks matter? Deffinitely , if they didnt i wouldnt chastise myself for being ugly ( no arguements !!)

34) Do you use chap stick? No, vaseline !

35) Name 3 teachers from High School. Mr O'Brian , Ms Potts , Ms Colleary * shudder*

36) American Eagle or Abercombie? Abercrombie =P

37) Are you too forgiving? No.

38) How many children do you want?EWWWWWWWWIE !!

39) Do you own something from Hot Topic? they're not in ireland =[

40) Favorite breakfast meal? Preferably none

41) Do you own a gun? They'res dozens around my house !! Cap guns , star wars guns , rifles , nerf guns ..... all my little brothers !

42) Ever thought you were in love? yeah , BIG mistake !

43) When was the last time you cried? not sure

44) What did you do 3 nights ago? homework ... i'm so sad !

45) Olive Garden? no , i do not have an olive garden , but seeing as you asked ....

46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy? came close to it !

47) Have you ever been in a castle? Yes. I want one.

48) Nicknames? Nonie , Skippy , Sionnánandonandonandonandon......

49) Do you know anyone named Bertha? eh , no !

50) Ever been to Kentucky? Fried Chicken. Yes, I have.

51) Do you own something from Banana Republic? Nope

52) Are you thinking about somebody right now? yup , NOT TELLING WHO !! x]

53) Have you ever called someone Boo? No.

55) Do you own a diamond ring? nope

56) Are you happy with your life right now? nope , guess i never will be

57) Do you dye your hair? no =[

58) Does anyone like you?I'm always surprised when they do ...

59) What year were you born? 1993

60) What were you doing in May of 1994? Celebrating my first birthday !!

61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD? No.

62) McDonalds or Wendys? No.

63) Do you like yourself? eh , no .

64) Are you closer to your mother or father? My dad deffo !

65) Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex? Hair and eh ..... a pulse ?

66) Are you afraid of the dark? Nope !!

67) Have you ever eaten paste? em .....

68) Do you own a webcam? no.

69) Have you ever stripped? No , i shower with my clothes on -_-

70) Ever broke a bone?nope

72) Do you chat on AIM often? on wa' ?

73) Pringles or Lays? Pringles !

74) Have you ever broken someone's heart? nah

75) Rugrats or Doug? huh ?

76) Full House or The Brady Bunch? BRADY BUNCH !!! Cant stand the oslens

77) Did you like your high school guidance counselor? Eh , nope , she doesnt do much guiding ....

78) Has anyone ever called you fat? the mirror ....?

79) Do you have a birth mark? Nope

80) Do you own a car? nah

81) Can you cook? Yes

82) 3 things that annoy you: 1. People who are pretty , but say that they're ugly just to make you feel bad about yourself . 2. Pointless little school rules . 3. My hair

83) Do you text message often? all the time

84) Money or love? neither

85) Do you have any scars? yeah

86) What do you want more than anything right now? For the water to be back ...

87) Do you enjoy scary movies? depends on the movie.

88) Relationships or one night stands? hummmmm , dunno !

89) Big Red or Juicy Fruit? No.

90) Do you enjoy greasy food? occasionally

91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies? eh , no!!

92) Do you own a box of crayons? I own a PLANET of crayons.

94) Who was the last person that said they loved you? My little brother !

95) Who was the last person that made you mad? My mommy

96) Who was the last person that made you cry? My mommy XD

97) Who was the last person that made you laugh? My little brother

98) Who was the last person that you fell for?Mat ..... XP

99) Who was the last person that instant messaged you?Aislinn

100) Who was the last person that called you? John

So that bored me even more , probably bored you to death too . Well night !

SparklesandAshes xx

A short history of almost something ........

I've been thinking , about life and such , and the whole point of it . If you think about it , there doesnt seem to be much to it . What i mean is that we start out life tiny , helpless and utterly insignificant and eighty years later end it the same way. Between those two times is the vast emptiness that will become your life . But what are you to do with it ?? With all that empty space and time ??

Do you live how everyone expects you to live. Gain an average salary , four bed semi detached , SUV , a dog , a cat , a husband in the civil service and 2.5 children ?

Do you live to treasure every moment . Gain memories instead of posessions , surround yourself with friends , lust new experience , travel , find happiness , fall in love ?

Do you live to lay waste to the world . Gain power , lose it , make the world your plaything , do everything for you and you only , do drugs , get the most you can out of the time you have , one-night-stand , forget you care ?

But , does it even matter in the end ? Why should we bother trying to choose when we know that we will all end up alone and vunerable . Cold , insignificant and afraid .

This all sounds really pesimistic but actually what i'm trying to say is that maybe the point of life is to live it how you choose , that whatever you choose will be the right chioce because it ultimately doesnt matter :)

This song i think kinda says it all really , this has to be one of my all time favourite songs ever and it's kinda what i think i'd say if i was asked when i'll decide what to do with my life =S

Another year , Amanda Palmer


I tried to fall in it again
My friends took bets and disappeared
They mime their sighing violins
I think I'll wait another year

I want my chest pressed to your chest
My nervous systems interfere
Ten or eleven months at best
I think I'll wait another year

This weather turns my tricks to rust
I am a lousy engineer
The winter makes things hard enough
I think I'll wait another year

Plus I'm only 26 years old
My grandma died in '83
That's lots of time if I don't smoke
I think I'll wait another year

I'm not as callous as you think
I barely breathe when you are near
It's not as bad when I don't drink
I think I'll wait another year

I have my new Bill Hicks CD
I have my friends and my career
I'm getting smaller by degrees
You said you'd help me disappear
But that could take forever
I think I'll wait another year

It'll be the best year ever
I think I'll wait another year
Can't we just wait together
You bring the smokes
I'll bring the beer
I think I'll wait another year


But anyways , Christmas and New Years were good , life is good , i love Mat , i've started studying and getting serious about my drama and ballet exams , my hairs beginning to learn some manners , i think i'm a happier person :)


SparklesandAshes xx