My mams making my life hell at the moment. All she wants is for me to do more and more and more ... She treats me like I'm thirteen and I'm sick to death of it . She expects me to be some sort of super woman , juggling her demands with school-work ( which she insists on being perfect) and trying to see Mat and my friends (who i haven't properly hung out with in aaaaaaaaages ) . Today was kinda typical . Was woken up by her screaming at me for not being already up and not having my room surgically cleansed. Got shouted at some more then for not taking enough cereal and then for taking too much. She spent so much time shouting i ended up in school with my hair all frizzy and the vestiges of yesterdays make-up the only thing covering my blotchy face , looking and feeling like shit. School wasn't so bad , most of the year had DATS tests so everyone just dossed for the day . Got home from school and got all homework done in half an hour and spent an hour studying for calculus. Then my mam came home from my granny's and everything turned kinda shit. She starts mouthing off to me about how i'm not doing enough study and how i should be doing twice the amount I'm doing now ..... like what the fuck ?!?! I tell her that it's none of her business and that she can't take it out on me for fucking up her own education ( she dropped out of college 3 times XD ) . Then she starts screaming at me telling she has every right to an input into my education because , get this , she's PAYING FOR IT!! This coming from the woman whose never had a days proper employment in her life !! What am i then , an investment ? I'm sick of her treating me like this . I know i sound really immature and juvenile , and i probably am . But , i genuinely hate that woman . She make a mess of raising me , i turned into a fucking ugly , socially inept weirdo , and most of the things that have fucked my life up can be traced back to her. It sickens me that I am 50% her and i sometimes break down when i see her in myself . In how I see things and how i react to things . I never want to turn out like that . She disgusts me. but anyway , this has turned into just a looooong moan that seems pretty petty and attention seeking , but what can ya do XD !!
Decided i don't care any more , gonna do my best to fuck up and have fun =]
Also , in contradiction , decided (roughly ) on my CAO =P :
1) Media Arts - DIT
2) NCAD
3) Photography - DIT
4) Irish and Media - Maynooth
All a second plan if I cant go to Edinburgh to do Film and Photography in Napier , even though my mam has her heart set on my doing Law in Trinity ( she also wants my four year old brother to become a doctor XD ) .
I has my Diana F+ camera now , i loves it =] . I boughts it in Paris but still haven't got around to buying film for it =[ . I cant afford it at the moment ......Piccy below of it !!
Paris with the school was epic !! Except for the food poisoning from that place in Montmartre ....... but yeah , i dont thing i'd like to live there though , the people are all really stuck up and everythings sooooooooo expensive . Average €5 for a bottle of coke !! I loves Dublin anyways , i'm too much of a homebody =] .
Anywho , i better go nows and study for Calculus ....... So so screwed for that test !! Ily all , comment ??= o
SparklesandAshes
xx
