I've sat at home all day listening to Papa Roach and Tiesto instead of going into town .................. does that make me weird ??




Oh well ! =]

SparklesandAshes xx

“Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world - Walt Disney ...........

I counted today . It's eighteen months until my childhood is over . It sounds like a long time now but it's gonna go by so fast , i know it . I'm so so scared for that . I'm so scared of losing all the friends i have and not coming out anymore and changing into a new sort of person . Thing is , i know that this will happen , i've seen it with most other people . I just dont wanna grow up yet , and have all my memories of people and places important to me now become just memories of a past i've left behind me ......
So i've decided , i'm gona stop worrying about life and just live it , theres so little time that it's just too precious to miss and waste . You're a teenager for roughly eight years of your life . You'll be working in the same boring job day in day out for fourty years . Yet for those fourty years the people , places , joys and sorrows of those eight are what stay with you and change you into the person you will become . Thats why i've decided to stop caring what people think about how i live during the next year and a half and start living !!! =]

SparklesandAshes xx

....... rant rant rant rant grrrrrrrrrr!

I hate fights . They cause bother and ructions and you lose friends and eventually you just end up fighting with yourself . I've only ever been in one major fight and , though i admit life has been far better since , it's caused a butterfly effect that has spread throughout my whole life and now effects almost everything i do or feel or am . But , what i find worse then fights is drifting . When you think of someone as a close friend one day and then days , weeks , months go by . You're both busy all of the time , first you cancell an outing , then they do , then you stop organising them altogether ... You talk less and less , though not intentionally , you just find less and less to talk about , but you would still count them as one of your good friends . Then suddenly , on a not-so-very-special day , months and months hence , you see them . Run into them by pure chance . They're taller now , dress different . The'r hair has grown , and they've a different manner , older somehow . You greet them , warmly , you're glad to see them finally . They look up , startled , their expression asks who this person is . You're shocked , for an instant they didnt recognise you . They smile back , and greet you . A sigh of relief passes your lips , you must have changed too . But then they raise their eyes . You stare back , and it's like staring at a stranger . You realise how the past months have changed them to that stranger . That without realising it you have grown apart . The once good friends now know nothing of each others lives , they aren't a part of them anymore . You exchange brief plesentries , they are off somewhere with their new friends , you have homework to do . You turn away , trying not to crumble beneath your make up . Trying to stop the grief well up . For lost friendships that should never have fallen away . This happens far far too much .
A&C , i miss you guys so much ....

SparklesandAshes
xx

............ Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

Yes it wasn't origionally Fall Out Boy who said that =P ....


But yeah today was pretty good .... BRACES OFF IN 6 WEEKS!!! WOOOT!!!! Actually cant wait !! Visited granny today , pretty un-eventful ! Got €20 though =] . Also got the day off school cause of orthodontist . All in all pretty good ....

Sick of false friends , i've decided that i dont care anymore !!!!

Parents being bitches .... report came yesterday . They saw the shit results and flipped . Thing is i've been working harder then ever but no matter what i do it's never enough . I've decided that i'll never have kids cause i'm so afraid of ending up just like my mother , and i know i will !! I wish that my mum was the type of person i could confide in , and tell everything to . I'm so jealous of people who have that sorta relationship with their parents . Almost everyone i know has had some sorta trouble with parents . Makes you wonder why we bother sometimes . They push their troubles onto you , ask you to fix them and then tell you it's none of your business , grrrrrr ! But of course everything you do is their business , and they try convincing you that their nosiness is out of concern for your wellbeing , whereas actually it's simply nosiness. Philip Larkin says it better then i ever would ...

They fuck you up, your mum and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

So yeah ...Friends who are miserable apper to be staying miserable , oh well , if they dont wanna be helped what can ya do !? =] Neeeeeeeeeeeed to see new moon soon =[ ... AOIFE!!!! hehe:)

Loving Placebo's latest album ... they're amazing as ever and Brian Molokos voice never gets old !!





Best song off the album in my opinion =P

SparklesandAshes
xx




*****************************************************************************************************************


Old post that i forgot to publish =P
Kinda late but oh well , was supposed to be publisted on 12/12/09

Enjoy !! xx

uselessness sucks ........

Just another day. Seems like everybody's, got a problem.
And no one knows how but, we all wanna solve 'em.
And you could give a dime, give a hand, give a shit.
Or you could look away and never deal with it......
-Zebrahead , Whats going on ?


Did you ever see someone in pain . Someone you would call your friend ( though you're not sure if they'd say the same of you ). And you can't help them ? Becuse they dont want help , and they'd hate if someone tried to give it to them , especially someone like you . How much does it hurt to watch them hurt , and know that you can do nothing about it ? It's horrible to watch them drown , and knowing that if you tried to save them they'd hate you , reject your help , and jump back in again . How do you stop that ? Stop them from hurting themselves before it's too late ..... I know that sounds dramatic but it's fucking frustrating !!!

But in other news , this weeks been reeeeeeeeally boring , got notes in journal in school , which is endangering the potential shopping trip tomorrow =S ....

Have to design a poster for the Youth Café talent competition .... Should be interesting ...

As of X-mas day CatMouseDogFish Films are go >.< ..... i.e. i get my camera and start making random films in prep for college =] hehe

Me and Luke found a picture painted over 100 years ago that is the SPITTING IMAGE of Robert Pattinson in a dress in our Art History books !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =O

Debs tickets were announced , still debating weather to go or not =S ....

Getting 30 Seconds to mars tickets soon hopefully ..... !!

It's raining ... grrrrrrrrrrr >.<

And thats about it , reeeeeeally short post but there ya' go !

SparklesandAshes xx

“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us. What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” -Albert Pine................

To an outsider last night would have seemed pretty boring ........ The opposite is true. Four people found sadness in life ( one of which i'm very very scared about =[ ) , two found happiness with each other , that will hopefully last because , though i barely know one , the other i know rather well , and i know she truly deserves this happiness =] . And i , as usual , was the one to watch and listen , comfort and encourage , but never to be involved .... This seems to happen alot , i think that if i was part of a book i would be the "third person" . That omnipresence that is both there and not at the same time . The thing is , i'm always the one who listens and trys to help , i cant bring myself to trust someone enough when i need to talk ... Or when i do talk to someone i always feel like i'm pushing my problems onto them , like i'm awkward and stupid and selfish . This isint in anyway lessening( is that even a word ?) the support and love that many of my friends have shown me when i've been going through bad times , i'm so so grateful for that . Also , i'd never begrudge a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to to anyone who needs it , ever . But i just feel that whenever i have to talk to someone , i have no idea who to turn to , who to trust .... But what am i saying , most of this post is nonsensical gibberish XD !!




So to happier matters !! SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES !!!! ZOMG(literally) i found the most amazingest shoes everrrrrr in schuh , and i is getting them for christmas =P .

Aren't they just WOW !!!! Zombies are smagical =] !! My grannys gonna faint when she sees them on x-mas day , hehe >.<

FRONT

BACK

The only problem with this is that this is a vintage Chanel dress that would probably cost half the price of the house i live in to have ..... So i've been internet hunting for another LBD ( little black dress) to go with them ...... With limited sorta success ....

1)

This ones from Topshop . i love the general style and cut of it and the bow in the fromts just so darn cute but theres no straps , which i dont like and i'm not sure from the picture how long the skirt is .....


2)

This ones from Monsoon . I'm not sure about the material , and the whole diagonal things a bit off putting on the body but i think that this would probably suit me more then the topshop one . Plus i <3 style="font-weight: bold;">


So anyways comments and suggestions on these welcome cause i reeeeeeeally need help =P !!




Oh yeah the three signs of Christmas happened this week ! These are three annual events that just get you so excited and in the mood for Christmas ( well they do for me ....)

1

The Late Late Toy Show !!
was smagical this year !!!! =P everyone looks forward to it from the age they can sit up to watch telly ( except my mother =[ "Bah Humbug" ) it reminds us of when we were still small and enthralled that Santa might just bring some of the stuff you see on the Late Late Toy Show if you just wished hard enough .

2


The Lights Go Up In The Village
They're not on yet but the anticipations a killer !!

3

The Coca Cola Christmas Ad
I saw it for the first time this year this week , it's the most memorable thing ever and you just know Christmas is coming when you see the red Santa and hear that "Holidays are coming " jingle =]

So yeah , thats about it ..... wow thats a long post ! (for me lol) . So i'll best be doing my homework now , procrastination ftw XD !! Slán =]


SparklesandAshes
xx

......Pon and zi muchness XP

I miss you Matt ='[ .......... Love you lots and lots =] !!!!
You've made me so happy over the past few weeks , and you means so much to me !

So i stayed over in Elises last night with a load of peoples . Was great fun .... even after walking for about an hour and a half in the pitch dark and rain to ardclough XP !!! Dannys leaving =[ , me sad !!! He's awesome !!!! Stoopid asian college thingy !!!!Grrrrrrr

Went to see a christmas carol yesterday too ..... omg soooooooooo freaky , and scary !!! Me and Lucy cried =[ !! Twas an awesome day .. Oh , i'm not smoking no more aswell ....... just thought i'd throw that in there =]

Strike on tuesday !!! Woot woot ! Allowed go clane XP yayness ......

Matt showed me this band Glamour Of The Kill ... they is awesome !!!





Well thats about it , i g2g do an essay for irish and one for English that was due for last week =S

Bye Byes


SparklesandAshes

......but you can sky rocket away from me , and never come back if you find another galaxy ......

so , something blogworthy actually happens in my life and i find myself reluctant to even think of it ..... never mind type it ...


This certain girl , who i know reads this , for reasons unknown just decided that i wasnt good enough to know her .
She cant know how much this hurts .... she was in Dublin , she told me , she told me that we'd hang out .... i waited all day for her to tell me what the story was , were when etc ....and she never did . I'm so hurt and lost and confused ... i dont know weather she forgot or "forgot" or if it was something someone told her ( a certain someone who let me down before and ever since then sickens me to see her every day) or if she finally realised what a complete waste of time knowing me is .

Whatever her reasons , why can't she just tell me ???
How can she just leave me without a clue whats going on ...???

i've been comfort eating and smoking like a chimney and washing my hair over and over to do something anything to avoid thinking , maybe it'd just me over reacting but .....oh i dunno ..... I need another cigarette ...


Tell me where do they go
These smoke rings I blow each night
What do they do these circles of blue and white
Puff puff puff puff your cares away
Puff puff puff night and day
Blow blow them through the air silky little rings
Those little smoke rings I love take me above .....
-K.D. Lang , Smoke rings


Fuck it anyways , it doesnt matter , life goes on ... But yeah , this weekend sucked !!


Getting obsessed with K.D Lang atm ..... she has the most amazing voice ever !


oh and this song is amazing !




really describes how i feel now ..... =]

SparklesandAshes xx

.........FUNGI SHOVEL !!!!!

Who would name a dolphin after a mushroom anyways....?

So's , havent blogged in a while , midterm and suchness ....
Midterm was LIKEZOMFGSUPERAWESOMENESSSPARKLEWOWSPLUSABIGRAWRCAUSEIMJUSTTHATKOOLWITHACAPITALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



or just plain very very good =] .

So went to Ffaf with Efa on a whim , was awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome !!!!! We gots right near the front and all and danced like lunatics =P







Then gots grounded by my mammy , but she brought me shopping and cinema to see UP and bought me twilight on Dvd so it wasnt all bad =S













Btw UP is amazzzzzzzzzzeing !! So sad =[ ..... But total animation awesomeness!!!














Went ste's party on Halloween , wasnt there for very long but twas amazing !!!! The stories going around speak for themselves !!




well , g2g ballet now , toodles!!



SparklesandAshes
xx

...... I'm not quite made of awesome , maybe very very good ....?

Snow White: Oh, they do look delicious.
Queen: Yes, but wait 'till you taste one, dearie. Like to try one? Go on. Go on, have a bite.
Queen: And since you've been so good to poor old Granny, I'll share a secret with you. This is no ordinary apple. It's a magic wishing apple.
Snow White: A wishing apple?
Queen: Yes. One bite, and all your dreams will come true.
Snow White: Really?
Queen: Yes, girlie. Now, make a wish, and take a bite.



Read this earlier in an old fairl tale book ! ^^











So yeah , bloggity blog blog !!

This weeks been pretty good . Monday was the usual Youth Café meeting thingy , except all the prospective Youth Leaders from Salesians were there ! That was kinda fun , oh and Scott gave his presentation on yhe design of the café with "rocks" XD !!!!!
Tuesday was AN HOUR AND A HALF of ballet !!!! It killed but felt really good about it afterwards . Woke up thismorning with a fecked up leg though ......
Today was reeeeeeeeeeeally boring , no Greenday for me ='[
But tomorrow i gots my geography trip and Zombie Prom with Cliffers and Simon later so should be fun .

Oh and Tru Bloods on tonight !!!!!! =]

Shoutouts to peoples ..... =] ! :


Firstly to my Efa !!
What would i do without you !!?? You're my rock , and you're always there for me to talk to if i need to , you're beautiful and sweet and un-selfish and you're one of the bestest friends anyone could ever hope to have !! =] xxx
p.s. you're mommys wellies are smagical !!


John !!
My best friend ! We've always been there for each other , through good times and bad , even if we're fighting i know you'll always listen to me if i'm upset , and i try do the same for you ( even though sometimes that doesnt work out ...... XP ) . Even with you're own problems you always try to help others through theirs and that almost makes up for you're AWFUL sence of style XP !! Jk , you know i dont mean it ....! I always feel i can tell you about everything and you've been a better friend to me then i deserve .


Scott XD
This guys amazing , he was there when i needed someone and wrote me a mini msn essay on why i dont fail at life XP . Oh , and he cant make virtual beanbags ...... Lol =D

Niamhy xx
I miss this girl so much , when she left my lift came crashing down around me but it makes it all the better when i do get to see her !! Hun , i know that i've treated you like shit sometimes over the yearscaused you stress and problems you dont deserve , and i know that you can never forgive me for some of the stupid shit i've put you through but i ant you to know that i'm truly sorry for all that i've done . I'll try in as far as i can to get on with people so that it cant cause you pain ..... But inanyways , cant wait until i see you in November
=p , gonna be great ! Remember the book ??? Ily darlin' , thanks for being one of my bestest friends ever !
xx

Dan
This guy is awesomeness embodied ! He's kinda weird but thats just him , he'll always try to help it theres something up and can always cheer you up with his quirky ways !
Dont think he'll ever make a fear an tí though XD!!!


and lastly .......

Mat <3


Words aren't enough ...........







SparklesandAshes
xx

......woah !

Hello there the angel from my nightmare The shadow in backround of the morgue The unsespecting victim of darkness in the valley We can live like Jack and Sally if we want Where you can always find me And we'll have Halloween on Christmas And in the night we'll wish this never ends We'll wish this never end



Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head :)











So , yeah blogging again !!!

I had a pretty good week .... ish ! h Two tests in school on friday which i'm convinced i failed !! Grrrrrr i hate Hamlet quotes !!! The only good thing about Hamlet ( Luke G pointed this out !) is that it's pretty much the same story as the lion king only with people ......

Right so this is how it works out :P !!

Claudius = Scar
Ghost = Mufasa
Hamlet = Simba
Gertrude = Sarabi
Ophelia = Nala
Horatio = Rafiki
Laertes + Polonius = Hyenas
Players = Timone and Pumba












god i have no life ....... hehe !! XD


while I'm on the subject The Lion King is the best film EVER !!!! =O




Just thought you'd like to know ! =P




So , yeterday was fun . Drama was kinda shit , excepts for Simons reaction to the question "Can we walk ? " when we were doing improvs ..... he replies " Yes i've a few things to tell you to " in a really solemn voice ....
Everyone just burst out laughing !! It was just the way he said it , it was oe of those 'you had to be there' kinda things !

Matt came over after that and we watched Lost Boys , AWESOME MOVIE !!!! I think i'm starting to get bit obsessed with vampire films ...=P . He had to go home really early though , which was kinda bad ='[ ....

And then kept getting calls from drunken friends at the weir asking me to come out , did eventually when most of them had sobered up XD , so all in all twas fun !! =P


SparklesandAshes
xx

*********




Ok , so this blog is getting published two days late cause my computer sucks and decided to crash on me , so i only had it saved as a draft so yeah , sorry about that ... !! XP

=S........

“I'm still trying to express my truth, my place in the world, my belief,”
-Amanda Palmer






That post earlier was rather depressing !!!! I just needed to let it all out ...... and listen to some Amanda Palmer and Dresdon Dolls to calm myself down . XP

So yeah , heading out now , in a happier mood ..... hopefully it'll stay like that :]

So yeah , thats it for nows !

SparklesandAshes
xx

......sad clowns :[

I <3 this !! =]


***

Today i is not in the best of moods ..... Everybody goes aroun like i dont exist . Either nobody gives a shit or they just keep forgetting me but either wayit's like i'm fucking invisible . Every time theres a party , or cinema trip or sleepover or anything im alway the one someone"forgot " to invite and i'm fucking sick of it . Then i feel like i have to lie to everyone else about it so i dont look like a complete loser !! I'm sick of people taking me for granted aswell . I was apparently one of someones "best friends" and now she doesnt even ask me to come out aymore . If it's that much effort being friends with me dont fucking bother , cause it'd be better for us all if you just told me to my face if you dont wanna talk to me. Truth is , i care too much about what people think of me and i get paranoid over it , so will everyone just quit fucking with my head !! Why am i always the one to listen to othr peoples problems when i can never talk openly about my own ??


I'm just so confused , everyone seems to want to push me away but i love them all !!!

I know i'm ugly
I know i'm annoying
I know that i've no right to the friends i have


But that doesnt mean that everyone cant pretend otherwise ....




"Sad clown , with his circus closed down . Lost on my merry-go-round"
-Charles Mingus









SparklesandAshes ,
xx

Carlsberg dont do bad days , but if they did .....

Just had the worst day eveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!!


Well , maybe not the absolute worst day but it's definitely in the top five or so .....



I woke up this morning to the pitter patter of rain coming through my open window and landing all over my french homework . Then , after the usual screaming match with my mam i realised that the container with my foundation is broken ..... foundation ALL OVER my make-up bag and none to put on my face =[ . Then after storming out the door i remember that my dads in Berlin and i'll have to get the bus to school . Joy . Getting the bus is a pain cause some genius in Dublin Bus thought that it'd be the best idea in the world not to link up Celbridge and Leixlip by any bus route whatsoever .... So i go around the corner to the 67X bus stop thinking "What the hell , i might as well get this bus as any other , it's my mams bus fare anyways ! " . So i get on the bus and pay my €1.70 ( it's supposed to be 65c for a school child but apparently an extra little letter on the front almost doubles the price ! ) thinking to myself that i'll get off in Lucan and get the 66 to school. This was at about 8 in the morning and school starts at 20 to 9 so i thought i'd loadsa time . Then , as i watched the 67X sail past the turn to Lucan i remembered that that extra little letter on the front not only means that it's ridiculously over-priced , but that it DOESNT GO THROUGH LUCAN !!! I started to panic , not knowing what to do but i decide , hey it's not the end of the world , i can get off at Liffey Valley andstill make it in time for school . So as i went over the bridge there, the 66b , which leaves me right outside the school , sailed by and i had to wait another 20 mins for a 66 . I ended up half an hour late to school and my principle grrrrrrred at me !!! And all this happened in the pissing rain which made my hair curly =[ .





So basically a grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr day !!!




Peace out
xx

It's a new dawn , it's a new day , it's a new life ......

Life is good :]

















As of yesterday i is no longer single ....... Not sure how to feel about that !





Guess i feel happy , i suppose :]








So lifes finally stopped being boring , it's weird , even if loadsa terrible things were happening i think i would still be sorta happy because i wouldnt be bored . Thats really weird ...... But luckily it's not boring because all good things are happening :] . My mams extended my curfew , my hair is learning to behave it's self and Matt<3 !

But anyways .... short blog cause i'm at Graces staying over .... =P

Peace out

xx

.......rants and epiphanys

"Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon"
-Winnie the Pooh









Do you ever find that the most random things make you incredibly happy for no apparent reason ???

Today i came home from Dans house ( i teach him Irish every friday ....... it's hopeless! ) and i saw this random balloon floating over my house ..... for some reason this put me in an increeeeeeeeeeeeedibly happy mood !!!!! :]

That lasted all of five minutes until i realised that i had a MOUNTAIN of homework ( which i am "doing" right now . Ironically my english is learning on procrastination in Hamlet XP ! ) . Quickest way to ruin your weekend for ya !! :[



I dunno weather to go youthclub today or not ..... i feel like i'm kinda old for it and its pretty boring , but what else is there to do . If i dont go i'll be just hanging around some shop or smeones house or something like that . Having said that i dont wanna grow up and i wish i was a year or two younger , just so that i'd have more time left as a kid ...... Weird right ?:]
Hum...... Peter Pan much ..... i wish i could go to Never Never Land and never grow up and be my age forever .......... Everyone else wants to be 18 and grow up and get the freedoms that come with that but i dont mind how hings are now ..... i just never want the type of life i'm living to end. I know that when w go to college everything changes , suddenly were grown-ups and theres a whole new world to contend with . I have trouble enouh with this one ....







But anyway , rant for the day over ..... :] . I wish my friends would stop fighting !! This annoys me , especially when it's over petty stupid things like boyfriends or bitchiness or even when theres no apparent reason at all :[. I know this sounds real preachy and stuf but they keep taking everything for granted one day or other they'll fall and find theres noone left to catch them !!





Peace out :]

xx

Life is boring .........

Life is INCREDIBLY boring ..........












........i mean really , so little shouldnt be allowed to happen in a week !

all the drama that happens in my group of friends is always around other peoples lives and shit ..... BLAGH!!!


I want SOMETHING to happen , ANYTHING just to alleviate the boredom =[









Plus I seem to be doing everything wrong lately .... saying the wrong things , acting the wrong way and of course being a general dope as per usual !

been listening to Tom Waits alot lately ..... kinda captures the boredness and stuff =/.....









anyway ...
Peace out for nows !
xx

Typical.....

I know this is what everyone does but i feel the compulsive need to bitch about how shit my life is at the moment ...

I feel like no matter what i do nothing changes !!! I try being shy , people dont like me , i try being confident , people like me even less ..... And then , once in a while , something happens and i'm happy for a while , but then i remember that i'm not gonna be happy for long , so i try to forget about being happy and just concentrate on existing "to the best of my ability" .

But inanyways !!!!! Today was quite good , went to see the Edvard Munch ( rofl at name! ) exhibition in town ..... It's actually amazing =] ! I loved these ones ...


But yeah , life is complicated at the moment , people are ignoring me and i dont know why =[ . And then theres people that are saying one thing and then doing the exact opposite , and making me feel like shit because of it ....

I wish things could just be simple and that i could fit in around how people think i should be =[


But anyways , enough mopeing for now !!!! =]

Peace out x

um..........

Hey ...

what are you supposed to write on your first blog anyway ???



The name of mines a bit weird , i just found random words in the dictionary =S ...

oh well , until tomorrow =]

xx