....... rant rant rant rant grrrrrrrrrr!

I hate fights . They cause bother and ructions and you lose friends and eventually you just end up fighting with yourself . I've only ever been in one major fight and , though i admit life has been far better since , it's caused a butterfly effect that has spread throughout my whole life and now effects almost everything i do or feel or am . But , what i find worse then fights is drifting . When you think of someone as a close friend one day and then days , weeks , months go by . You're both busy all of the time , first you cancell an outing , then they do , then you stop organising them altogether ... You talk less and less , though not intentionally , you just find less and less to talk about , but you would still count them as one of your good friends . Then suddenly , on a not-so-very-special day , months and months hence , you see them . Run into them by pure chance . They're taller now , dress different . The'r hair has grown , and they've a different manner , older somehow . You greet them , warmly , you're glad to see them finally . They look up , startled , their expression asks who this person is . You're shocked , for an instant they didnt recognise you . They smile back , and greet you . A sigh of relief passes your lips , you must have changed too . But then they raise their eyes . You stare back , and it's like staring at a stranger . You realise how the past months have changed them to that stranger . That without realising it you have grown apart . The once good friends now know nothing of each others lives , they aren't a part of them anymore . You exchange brief plesentries , they are off somewhere with their new friends , you have homework to do . You turn away , trying not to crumble beneath your make up . Trying to stop the grief well up . For lost friendships that should never have fallen away . This happens far far too much .
A&C , i miss you guys so much ....

SparklesandAshes
xx

............ Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

Yes it wasn't origionally Fall Out Boy who said that =P ....


But yeah today was pretty good .... BRACES OFF IN 6 WEEKS!!! WOOOT!!!! Actually cant wait !! Visited granny today , pretty un-eventful ! Got €20 though =] . Also got the day off school cause of orthodontist . All in all pretty good ....

Sick of false friends , i've decided that i dont care anymore !!!!

Parents being bitches .... report came yesterday . They saw the shit results and flipped . Thing is i've been working harder then ever but no matter what i do it's never enough . I've decided that i'll never have kids cause i'm so afraid of ending up just like my mother , and i know i will !! I wish that my mum was the type of person i could confide in , and tell everything to . I'm so jealous of people who have that sorta relationship with their parents . Almost everyone i know has had some sorta trouble with parents . Makes you wonder why we bother sometimes . They push their troubles onto you , ask you to fix them and then tell you it's none of your business , grrrrrr ! But of course everything you do is their business , and they try convincing you that their nosiness is out of concern for your wellbeing , whereas actually it's simply nosiness. Philip Larkin says it better then i ever would ...

They fuck you up, your mum and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

So yeah ...Friends who are miserable apper to be staying miserable , oh well , if they dont wanna be helped what can ya do !? =] Neeeeeeeeeeeed to see new moon soon =[ ... AOIFE!!!! hehe:)

Loving Placebo's latest album ... they're amazing as ever and Brian Molokos voice never gets old !!





Best song off the album in my opinion =P

SparklesandAshes
xx




*****************************************************************************************************************


Old post that i forgot to publish =P
Kinda late but oh well , was supposed to be publisted on 12/12/09

Enjoy !! xx

uselessness sucks ........

Just another day. Seems like everybody's, got a problem.
And no one knows how but, we all wanna solve 'em.
And you could give a dime, give a hand, give a shit.
Or you could look away and never deal with it......
-Zebrahead , Whats going on ?


Did you ever see someone in pain . Someone you would call your friend ( though you're not sure if they'd say the same of you ). And you can't help them ? Becuse they dont want help , and they'd hate if someone tried to give it to them , especially someone like you . How much does it hurt to watch them hurt , and know that you can do nothing about it ? It's horrible to watch them drown , and knowing that if you tried to save them they'd hate you , reject your help , and jump back in again . How do you stop that ? Stop them from hurting themselves before it's too late ..... I know that sounds dramatic but it's fucking frustrating !!!

But in other news , this weeks been reeeeeeeeally boring , got notes in journal in school , which is endangering the potential shopping trip tomorrow =S ....

Have to design a poster for the Youth Café talent competition .... Should be interesting ...

As of X-mas day CatMouseDogFish Films are go >.< ..... i.e. i get my camera and start making random films in prep for college =] hehe

Me and Luke found a picture painted over 100 years ago that is the SPITTING IMAGE of Robert Pattinson in a dress in our Art History books !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =O

Debs tickets were announced , still debating weather to go or not =S ....

Getting 30 Seconds to mars tickets soon hopefully ..... !!

It's raining ... grrrrrrrrrrr >.<

And thats about it , reeeeeeally short post but there ya' go !

SparklesandAshes xx

“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us. What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” -Albert Pine................

To an outsider last night would have seemed pretty boring ........ The opposite is true. Four people found sadness in life ( one of which i'm very very scared about =[ ) , two found happiness with each other , that will hopefully last because , though i barely know one , the other i know rather well , and i know she truly deserves this happiness =] . And i , as usual , was the one to watch and listen , comfort and encourage , but never to be involved .... This seems to happen alot , i think that if i was part of a book i would be the "third person" . That omnipresence that is both there and not at the same time . The thing is , i'm always the one who listens and trys to help , i cant bring myself to trust someone enough when i need to talk ... Or when i do talk to someone i always feel like i'm pushing my problems onto them , like i'm awkward and stupid and selfish . This isint in anyway lessening( is that even a word ?) the support and love that many of my friends have shown me when i've been going through bad times , i'm so so grateful for that . Also , i'd never begrudge a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to to anyone who needs it , ever . But i just feel that whenever i have to talk to someone , i have no idea who to turn to , who to trust .... But what am i saying , most of this post is nonsensical gibberish XD !!




So to happier matters !! SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES !!!! ZOMG(literally) i found the most amazingest shoes everrrrrr in schuh , and i is getting them for christmas =P .

Aren't they just WOW !!!! Zombies are smagical =] !! My grannys gonna faint when she sees them on x-mas day , hehe >.<

FRONT

BACK

The only problem with this is that this is a vintage Chanel dress that would probably cost half the price of the house i live in to have ..... So i've been internet hunting for another LBD ( little black dress) to go with them ...... With limited sorta success ....

1)

This ones from Topshop . i love the general style and cut of it and the bow in the fromts just so darn cute but theres no straps , which i dont like and i'm not sure from the picture how long the skirt is .....


2)

This ones from Monsoon . I'm not sure about the material , and the whole diagonal things a bit off putting on the body but i think that this would probably suit me more then the topshop one . Plus i <3 style="font-weight: bold;">


So anyways comments and suggestions on these welcome cause i reeeeeeeally need help =P !!




Oh yeah the three signs of Christmas happened this week ! These are three annual events that just get you so excited and in the mood for Christmas ( well they do for me ....)

1

The Late Late Toy Show !!
was smagical this year !!!! =P everyone looks forward to it from the age they can sit up to watch telly ( except my mother =[ "Bah Humbug" ) it reminds us of when we were still small and enthralled that Santa might just bring some of the stuff you see on the Late Late Toy Show if you just wished hard enough .

2


The Lights Go Up In The Village
They're not on yet but the anticipations a killer !!

3

The Coca Cola Christmas Ad
I saw it for the first time this year this week , it's the most memorable thing ever and you just know Christmas is coming when you see the red Santa and hear that "Holidays are coming " jingle =]

So yeah , thats about it ..... wow thats a long post ! (for me lol) . So i'll best be doing my homework now , procrastination ftw XD !! Slán =]


SparklesandAshes
xx

......Pon and zi muchness XP

I miss you Matt ='[ .......... Love you lots and lots =] !!!!
You've made me so happy over the past few weeks , and you means so much to me !

So i stayed over in Elises last night with a load of peoples . Was great fun .... even after walking for about an hour and a half in the pitch dark and rain to ardclough XP !!! Dannys leaving =[ , me sad !!! He's awesome !!!! Stoopid asian college thingy !!!!Grrrrrrr

Went to see a christmas carol yesterday too ..... omg soooooooooo freaky , and scary !!! Me and Lucy cried =[ !! Twas an awesome day .. Oh , i'm not smoking no more aswell ....... just thought i'd throw that in there =]

Strike on tuesday !!! Woot woot ! Allowed go clane XP yayness ......

Matt showed me this band Glamour Of The Kill ... they is awesome !!!





Well thats about it , i g2g do an essay for irish and one for English that was due for last week =S

Bye Byes


SparklesandAshes

......but you can sky rocket away from me , and never come back if you find another galaxy ......

so , something blogworthy actually happens in my life and i find myself reluctant to even think of it ..... never mind type it ...


This certain girl , who i know reads this , for reasons unknown just decided that i wasnt good enough to know her .
She cant know how much this hurts .... she was in Dublin , she told me , she told me that we'd hang out .... i waited all day for her to tell me what the story was , were when etc ....and she never did . I'm so hurt and lost and confused ... i dont know weather she forgot or "forgot" or if it was something someone told her ( a certain someone who let me down before and ever since then sickens me to see her every day) or if she finally realised what a complete waste of time knowing me is .

Whatever her reasons , why can't she just tell me ???
How can she just leave me without a clue whats going on ...???

i've been comfort eating and smoking like a chimney and washing my hair over and over to do something anything to avoid thinking , maybe it'd just me over reacting but .....oh i dunno ..... I need another cigarette ...


Tell me where do they go
These smoke rings I blow each night
What do they do these circles of blue and white
Puff puff puff puff your cares away
Puff puff puff night and day
Blow blow them through the air silky little rings
Those little smoke rings I love take me above .....
-K.D. Lang , Smoke rings


Fuck it anyways , it doesnt matter , life goes on ... But yeah , this weekend sucked !!


Getting obsessed with K.D Lang atm ..... she has the most amazing voice ever !


oh and this song is amazing !




really describes how i feel now ..... =]

SparklesandAshes xx

.........FUNGI SHOVEL !!!!!

Who would name a dolphin after a mushroom anyways....?

So's , havent blogged in a while , midterm and suchness ....
Midterm was LIKEZOMFGSUPERAWESOMENESSSPARKLEWOWSPLUSABIGRAWRCAUSEIMJUSTTHATKOOLWITHACAPITALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



or just plain very very good =] .

So went to Ffaf with Efa on a whim , was awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome !!!!! We gots right near the front and all and danced like lunatics =P







Then gots grounded by my mammy , but she brought me shopping and cinema to see UP and bought me twilight on Dvd so it wasnt all bad =S













Btw UP is amazzzzzzzzzzeing !! So sad =[ ..... But total animation awesomeness!!!














Went ste's party on Halloween , wasnt there for very long but twas amazing !!!! The stories going around speak for themselves !!




well , g2g ballet now , toodles!!



SparklesandAshes
xx